Love relationships,
like foreign policy, are interest driven; ‘something has better got to be in
there for me.’ Just like no alliance can be entered into by a state with any
foreign power for no serious reason(s), so too are love relationships. The
reason is simply because love relationships, like foreign policy, are a serious
business; one that must make or mar
you. And truth be told, nagging is one hell of an attitude that wouldn’t have
had you commit yourself to a love relationship with him or her. I am pretty
sure about this one: no one likes it when their partner is constantly on their
nerves.
Who likes it being
thought of as getting it all wrong all the time? Who enjoys being corrected at
even trivialities that could be overlooked? Who is comfortable with being
corked under a pressure pot in the face of a mildly challenging situation? Who
is at home with being compared with his peers to a fault? Who takes constant
criticisms and complaints filed against him/her with a pinch of salt? All
things being equal, nobody does. However, that’s exactly what many get from
those they’re already stuck in with in what we have come to call love
relationship. It is called nagging;
an irritable sort of attitude that sets one on the edge and gets others
haywire.
Most times one may feel
like letting go of the relationship, other times one may begin to blame oneself
for having been too blind to spot this earlier before the handshake crossed the
elbow, and a very few other times one dares to inquire into the way forward. It
is about the very few times when one longs for the way forward that this piece comes
handy. When the 15th Century English philosopher and Lord
Chancellor, Francis Bacon, posited that knowledge
is power, he also suggested that therein lays the solution to the problem.
The first noble truth to
commit to heart is that no one likes to be identified with his/her bad attitude
habits. And so no nag likes to be addressed as such, which shows that they
would have loved to be better if they could. Secondly, no one can change
another, which instructs that you shouldn’t even contemplate changing them; you
can only influence their decision to change themselves. Thirdly, nags aren’t a
liability per se, which suggests that they are worth what informed your choice
of them. Fourthly, you needn’t try to conform yourself to their naggy designs
so you don’t make a double lose – themselves and you. Be yourself! Lastly,
something made all of us who we are: nature and nurture. Therefore, their story
wouldn’t have been different; look into their life and the reason for which
they nag is not far away.
With the above
realization, containing a nagging partner becomes more of a responsibility than
a liability since nagging is rooted in one’s mental orientation arising from
one’s peculiar breeding. Attempt the following to see what becomes of them in a
little time:
- Pay deaf ears to his/her
nags
Robin Sharman opines
that it takes 21 days to form a habit, and your partner would have formed his
or hers in many multiples of 21 days; that’s probably the best thing he or she
knows how to do. Why not embark on a voyage of mastering her fault in the next
3 weeks – 21 days. One of the reasons why humans are humans is because we can
feign pretence and decide not to act on certain impulses. Get used to him or
her and don’t complain or criticize in return else you become what you disgust
in 21 days.
- Be yourself so he/she
gets used to you
There is the temptation
of wanting to bend oneself to the whims and caprices of a nag; you want to do
it his/her way in order to avoid being nagged at. Experience has shown that you
will soon become something else if you choose to always do it their way. Resist
that temptation and keep doing it the way you know is best and in line with your
being. Sooner or later he/she will have no choice than to get used to you.
- Focus
on what informed your choice of him/her
Definitely, something
informed your choice of him/her. It could be beauty or brains, social standing
or something else; you alone know what exactly made you go for him/her. Despite
her nags, I suppose he/she hasn’t lost that quality. Focusing on those
qualities that triggered off the relationship and paying less attention to
his/her naggy attitude would do you some good.
- Don’t fuel it!
What do you do to
extinguish a fire? Fan it all the more or sprinkle some more fuel on it? If you
do any of those, the flame will grow all the more. The point is, endeavor not
to serve as a catalyst to his/her nagging by making conscious effort to avoid
retorting to certain utterances one could let go of. While he/she nags,
describing him/her with such terms as pest, troublemaker, noisemaker, gossip,
bug, busybody, etc. would only do more harm than good. Just don’t fuel it;
always keep your calm when doing so is all you should do.
- He/she is probably
a perfectionist; learn from him/her
Some nags are probably
perfectionists as they seem to always insist that nothing but the best is good
enough. And so, the much you do is seldom appreciated as more is always on the
demand. For once, don’t you think your nagging partner could be chiseling you
by their insistence that you better your good, best your better, and best your
best? Inasmuch as nagging is not a positive attitude, if it is that affords you
the opportunity to move to the next level of personality development don’t
hesitate to cash on it.
- Talk it over with him/her
We earlier agreed that
no one likes to be identified with their bad attitude/habit. Some even exhibit
such attitude unconsciously, having built it over time. If this were the case,
then talking the matter over with your nagging partner could prove to be of
help. Spill it all out: how bad you feel about it, how much you expect from
him/her, just about whatever you want to talk over with him/her.
…in
the Final Analysis
One thing is certain:
nagging is one hell of an attitude that nobody likes to put up with. But it is
never the case that the baby is thrown away with the bath water. And so a
nagging partner, who is completely still worth the earlier interest one had in
him/her, is more of a responsibility than a liability.
The point being made
here is to the effect that they be contained, borne, or accommodated in the
spirit of understanding, with a view to their finding enough reasons to change
themselves in time. And even if they don’t, you’ll be glad you did keep them in
the face of every reason to let go of them.
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